Sabrina Chronicle 2.8.11

Uncovering the discovery of Gem’s tale as he rebuilds his life. His vintage style is in for a spin as he battles with living a top-of-the-line life filled with love and the finer things. He wants things to speed up and that’s when life gets real… 

2/8/11

Last month flew by quick. Winter ain’t been that brutal. Forget watching the Super bowl, I got important stuff on my mind. I’m working on being the Greatest Me of All Time. It’s around my eighth hour straight in the lab. Things firming up real good. Script of my life looking good. I’m ready to get these products off the ground. My business partner kinda flighty, but he comes up with some genius ideas. I got this text from Sabrina. I’m thinking what I do to for this. Even though we’ve been linking up for quite some time, lately she only hits me up when she wants something. The text said she tried to wait for me before she went to work, but wanted to know how much longer I need to keep my trunk at her house. I stopped what I was doing when I read that message.  She know I gotta keep it there until the summer. We been officially broke up for some time and I would be a liar to say I didn’t still love her, but I feel foolish about that. We used to argue of the dumbest things. Yeah I know I got my funny ways, but it just always something. Now I gotta make sure I make my next move be my best move. I need her to hold that chest til the summer, but I know she gonna want something in return. Going back and begging for her to be with me is not going to happen. I gathered my stuff and shut the lab down.  As I walked to the car, I thought about some of me and Sabrina good moments. We used to go out NYC for the winter and look at the Christmas trees. The way the lights reflected in her eyes were pure beauty. Those type of moments made me think about spending the rest of my life with her. Then I thought about one Christmas when we were supposed to go to a party for my dude and even though see brought a case full of clothes to the hotel; she still didn’t think she had nothing to wear. As we search in the mall for clothing, she caught one of them raging attitudes. I mean it was like a demon spirit hopped inside in her and transformed her from Miss Christmas to the Grinch. I know how she gets when she wants to get her way like a pregnant pit bull. Normally, I don’t help women shop. This stems from marathons with my mom who had to physically inspect all pieces of the garment before buying it. But I was feeling the Christmas time and I was feeling the holiday spirit. I helped her search for clothes. It felt like every item I chose wasn’t up to her standards. After 40 minutes of power shopping, she found the outfit of her liking. When we got back to the house, she apologized to me for having that attitude. This was the first time I ever felt that she was sincerely sorry for actions.

As I opened the car door, I thought about the art exhibit. Even though Sabrina grew up in the hood, she is always down to attend any function, from the president ball to freak jumpoff party. The exhibit contained pieces from my dude Drew. His paintings were modern with electric style. It’s crazy to see that he a painter considering he had the best jump shot in the state. If he wouldn’t got wrapped up wit them stick up kids, no doubt he would of been giving them buckets in the league. I talked with him for a minute, then I went to see what Sabrina was up to.  For some reason, alcohol tends to revert Sabrina back to days on 151st and Green St. She over there fighting somebody. Even though she a lightweight, Sabrina definitely got some hands. I couldn’t think why she was fighting, everybody was like fam in the building. I separated her from the girl and probably ended up saving that lady life. As we riding back she just kept talking about how I didn’t have her back. I’m looking at her looking all good, but she was fighting some demons on the inside. I told her that she gotta learn how to manage that temper. Why she at my peoples acting up? Once we got in the house, we were going right at it. Explosive night. When I woke up, she was gone. No text no nothing. Why I set my self up like that?

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Bird Dream 1.8.11

Uncovering the discovery of Gem’s tale as he rebuilds his life. His vintage style is in for a spin as he battles with living a top-of-the-line life  filled with love and the finer things. He wants things to speed up and that’s when life gets real… 

1/8/2011

Exotic mesmerizing chick wanting me to do oral on her and I was not giving in. Towards the end of the dream I was finally gonna given in. She kept throwing it in my face. She was like athletic sexy build type look fun to get physical wit. Something won’t right though. I could feel it inside. She had one of those jersey dresses. I couldn’t resist her any longer. It’s like I could smell her in my dream. Who was this woman? There was a knock on the door that woke me up right before I gave in. It was two Jehovah witnesses. They spoke about the importance of reading the Bible. Funny thing is I started reading it three weeks ago. 1 Kings 18:21 stuck out to me. They asked me if I believed the Bible was true. I’m thinking wow I was just about to GIP wit this chick and they at my door. Almighty got a sense of humor. I told them I believed it was true far as I knew. Like I don’t know the whole book. Can’t recite it. I wonder if they could, but I ain’t gonna ask. No time for that. Then they asked about the garden of eden and handed me a pamphlet book. Their timing and my dream showed me power of the creator beyond this world. Temptation still comes at me in my dreams. That’s why I gotta make everything count, take everything got to get passed my past. Forces gotta attack me in my dreams and I will still not give in. I’m not perfect and that’s cool cuz I don’t have to be. But I’m fighting for me and my life even in my dreams. Can’t get comfortable out here. Almighty wit me all times definitely take a lot off my shoulders. This world be getting crafty looking to distract me. Science can tell me what exists, but to compare the worth/value of life, both of what exists and what does not exist. I cannot consult science for these answers.

Pascals says life comes from the heart. How do you consult the heart? It doesn’t speak the same language of the mind or does it? When science goes to sleep does rest with the infinite discovery of the absolute truth and correcting any false believing. I never really knew what Jehovah witnesses did. Shocked to see that have the garden of eden on the booklet– thought that was Christian belief. Gotta find them supreme goods for my life. Emerson says gotta learn to detect and walk that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within. That’s what they say a man is to do to be great and still gonna be misunderstood. Been misunderstood my whole life. I had to learn a new language when I came back to this country. That took a little time. I used to get in trouble for lashing out in frustration. I’m no kid no more tho. I become what I think about is what they books tell me. So I gotta be the best hustler the world ever laid its eyes on. I done seen people get beat, shot robbed stabbed and all other things. I thought I’d be gone from this planet before 20 years. I’m still here, so I gotta make it worthwhile. I got purpose for life now. I’m reading Epictetus and he saying that I can’t be conquered if I stay in no combat, but that means I won’t have conquer power. I say that was then and this now. Hustling is what I know. They don’t teach this at no school and I don’t wanna conquer no person but they gotta be easy and stay out my lane when I’m going towards what I want. It’s like I be seeing flashing lights. One time I walked about some street lights and they flicked on and off.  Before they did I was hot about the chinese take out being closed. I need to lay off that fried rice, but it be so good with that extra shrimp and spicy sauce. CIcero said that old age basically based on what we want. I want to excel in this street life. Old head used to ask me did I want the strength of Hercules to carry an Ox or the intellectual strength of Edison. I’m good on all that. Strength worthless if I ain’t using and brains not gonna do much if I am too weak to take action. I told old head I just wanna be me never thought about being nobody else and I never seen no ox.  He tells me that the man who stops growing mentally or spiritually at the age of 30 and 40 is as mature as he will ever be. Whatever age he lives to, but he is not really grown up, cause his growth gets stunted. I’m too old to be stunted. Maybe them dudes satisfied with less I’m focused on improving my world.  He goes on to tell me that young people got adventure calling at them and older focus on reflection in life. I gotta remind people that I want to understand things beyond me, but I gotta still earn a living.

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Gateway Entry 1.3.11

Uncovering the discovery of Gem’s tale as he rebuilds his life. His vintage style is in for a spin as he battles with living a top-of-the-line life  filled with love and the finer things. He wants things to speed up and that’s when life gets real… 

 

1/3/2011

I started reading Gateway to the Great Books card catalog no. AC1.G3V.1. They talked much about technology, affluence, and essence. 2 things consume our time: work and distraction. I gotta keep my mind on things for more than a half hour be tough and fun never be boring for me. It’s not possible to spend more than a certain number of hours, day, weeks or years all having fun. I would do it all the time. See that be my problem. Most others don’t understand. Discovery is great fun and when I discovery a new taste it get me going. Like I grew up during a time when have 1 car, 1 tv, knowing somebody with a computer wit dial up internet and making long distance calls was all the come up, Them days is primitive now. Out here after doing my thing and seeing everything going on got me thinking I gotta proceed at my own pace. I gotta step this up cause my nature ain’t up. Keep reminding myself avoid boredom and look out for snakes. Before I went in, I kept some sash to prepare myself for this time period. While in, I had lot of time to learn about myself. One thing I learned that there is a lotta of poison out there.  I’m gettin ready start this cleanse got I’ve been hearing ’bout works all in the foods. Come on, they put me behind and they the real hustlers. I can get ’round the world the same time it took the founding fathers to go from NY to Philly. I gotta remain ready for anything. The world changing so quick. When I went in TLC was all over the screen and now grown ups watch cartoon shows. I gotta go get my Sugar. She make it hard for people to control their self. People think they control their own thoughts. Haa. Books not even worth reading anymore people saying that they outdated. Well in the box books be plenty, so I read and read a lot. The book said some questions to ask when reading a book. 1. What is the piece of writing about? What is its leading theme? What is it trying to say? 2. How does it say what it is trying to say? How does the writer get his central point across? How does he tell his story or argue for conclusion to produce the effect in us that he is aiming at? 3. It is true- factually or poetically in whole or part? Has he won our assent our sympathy? And if not, what reason do we have for disagreeing with or reject in his views of things? 4. What of it? What meaning does it have for you in the shape of opinions or attitudes that are led to form for ourselves as the result of reading this piece. Ideas, beliefs, sentiments, and fancies do not exist in isolation. Avoid taking prejudices. “I don’t know what you’re saying but you’re wrong (right).”

Staying in line with current times I see people falling in bed or behind enemy lines. No substitutes for economic possession r physical propriety fo intellectual ownership. Scramble that frequency makes you see and hear different things. People tell me different I know what I see and I seen some things. Things no one else could imagine. Some things I don’t even want to remember. I’ve walked barefoot in the streets of Cuba, hustled in Harlem, sleep on park benches and high rises. I cracked it tough by applying pressure in a soft spot. Charles Darwin known to say that it must be something special makes dogs howl in the night. He saying that imagination is one of the highest prerogatives of man. Talking ’bout that’s what makes us like that cuz it is possible to imagine things we never seen like a purple fountain or orange bear, but I can see that in my mind. I be reading stuff like this cuz nobody ever showed me now of this. Think before I got confined I never heard of no dude named John S. Mills talking ’bout we see always see and the tyranny of the majority strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone. I didn’t feel like that when that dress wearing judge banged reign on me. I was dolo taking time for what we all did. That’s aight though. That’s where I learned about matty arnold and the sweetness and light to value himself not on what he is but on the number of the railroads he has constructed or the business of the tabernacle he has built. For all this stuff sounds like bs mumbo jumbo perception. Real talk can be  presented in different ways to produce different meanings.

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